


Always

by SP00K



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Asexuality, Backstory, Complicated Relationships, M/M, Mentions of Erwin Smith/Levi - Freeform, Mentions of Erwin Smith/Mike Zacharias, Mild Sexual Content, Multi, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-03-19
Packaged: 2018-01-16 06:51:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1336087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SP00K/pseuds/SP00K
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Hello, Levi.  I am Erwin Smith and I want you to join the Survey Corps.”</i>
</p><p> <i>And just like that Mike’s whole world gets turned upside down.  </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> So this is for a lovely anon who pointed me to their [kink meme post](http://snkkink.dreamwidth.org/3666.html?thread=5610578#cmt5610578) after I screwed up the ship tags on a story heh. Hopefully you enjoy it c:

Mike feels satisfied and thoroughly justified as he pushes the face of the slippery little street rat into the gritty mud who had him give chase all through the grimy underground. On Erwin’s order Mike gives the boy another knee to the gut before smashing his pretty young mug back into the sewer runoff which seems to upset the kid more than the beating. Mike gives a few sniffs to the stale air now that their prey has been captured and smells a heady scent of anger and fear and vulnerability. Good, he should be scared.

“Are you ready to give me your name yet?”

Erwin asks, on his knees before this little rat and Mike pulls him up for breath and a chance to answer. Gasping for air and with a scowl the likes of which Mike has never seen before graces the delicate features of the black haired boy in stolen 3D maneuver gear. Mike thinks the rodent will spit on his Squad Leader when he turns to look the commanding blonde in the eye, but he seems to have had enough and coughs before speaking in a deep, rough voice that doesn’t seem to match the tiny body so easily held down in Mike’s hands.

“Levi.”

“Hello, Levi. I am Erwin Smith and I want you to join the Survey Corps.”

And just like that Mike’s whole world gets turned upside down. 

-

The tall man waits outside Commander Shadis’ office for Erwin to come out, hoping in vain he fails in securing a spot for Levi and his two friends in the Corps. But Erwin is a master at words and persuasion and it is little surprise that he emerges from the the office with an accomplished little smile on his face. The blonde sees his tall friend and they walk together down the hall.

“Why didn’t you tell me we were going bring that riffraff here. I thought we were just getting the gear back and finding out how they got a hold of it.”

Erwin smiles and looks up to Mike with a pleased reassurance in his bright blue eyes.

“Well that was before I saw how good Levi is in the gear. The other two are decent, but Levi was built for 3D maneuver gear.”

“I assume the Commander okayed your proposal then.”

“Yes. Levi, Isabelle and Farlan will report for training tomorrow morning. I am going to scrounge up some uniforms for them now.”

“Good luck with that one. I doubt we have any child sized.”

Mike doesn’t mean to sound so annoyed, but he can’t help it. Erwin is right, Levi was built for the 3DM gear and even without any formal training on the device he was a natural and this doesn’t sit well with him. Mike has never thought of himself as a jealous man, but something about Levi pushes his buttons that way. Maybe it was the attention he was taking away from his best friend or the ease he has in the gear without a seeming care in the world. Or maybe it was that petite pretty boy face and dark hair with porcelain skin, far too fair to come from the slums. Whatever it was, Levi pissed Mike off to no end - which is quite a feat for the usually laid back man.

“Levi is quite small, but he is no child - I assure you. What’s the matter Mike?”

Mike steams at Erwin’s words, the phrasing pulling his mind into places it’s never quite gone before - of the undignified ways the blonde could assure him that Levi is a man. With a huff of annoyance and a pinch of curiosity about the little rat’s age, Mike turns to Erwin with a hard look.

“I just don’t trust him or his little followers.” 

“They will need to be closely watched and I am putting you in charge of it. Keep them out of trouble.” 

“Yes, Squad Leader.”

Erwin strains a smile as he does every time his longest friend formally addresses him and clasps the tall man on the shoulder. Mike is obviously very troubled by the turn of events and the blonde doesn’t take the concern lightly.

“Relax, Mike. Just think of them as new recruits. And besides, I think you will come to like Levi, when he’s not spewing filth from that mouth of his.”

The tall man doesn’t look convinced, but they part ways at the end of the hall with a promise to lunch together. Mike resigns himself to babysitting duty despite being one of humanities strongest soldiers, a title he never put much thought into before now. 

-

Weeks go by and it is apparent that Levi is more than just a natural at using 3D maneuver gear, he is down right ingenious. The small man is able to use every strap and harness to his advantage and find new ways to push and defy gravity as he quite literally flies through the trees. It is amazing. And something Mike would never be able to pull off because of his sheer size. But what Levi lacks in brute strength he makes up in cunning and speed. Levi wouldn’t be assigned to Erwin’s elite squad with Mike, so keeping an eye on him is a little harder than Mike would have liked. But after a particularly impressive run through on the titan training simulator, the grounds erupt in cheers and excitement, so loud that Mike and his squad could hear it from the stables on the far side of the outpost. At the sound, most of the soldiers abandoned their stable chores and headed out to find out what the commotion was, including Mike. Just as they get to the clearing in the training area Levi and his squad are coming out of the woods, a circle of young soldiers babbling and looking starry eyed at the young man.

“That was brilliant, Levi!”

“Incredible!”

“I have never seen anything like that!”

“You will surely be the strongest soldier in all of the Survey Corps!”

Mike hears the praise as the troops all come into view, but Levi looks more annoyed than anything - a deep frown set on his face as he walks with an obvious desire to escape the moonstruck mob. 

“Guys, it was nothing - just aim for the neck.”

“That wasn’t nothing! Levi you took down every single titian simulator in the course on your own. Half of them have to be replaced since you chopped the head clean off! It was insane!”

Hearing that, Mike approaches Levi with a bit of skepticism.

“You hit every titan on the course?”

The small man looks up with a shrug of indifference.

“Just hit whatever I saw...didn’t count how many were out there.”

“He got all of them, Mike! Before anyone else could even get to them - it was so cool!”

Levi clicks his tongue in annoyance and starts to make his way out of his crowd of admirers. If it were anyone else, Mike wouldn’t believe the story - but a quick sniff to the air and knowing the mans ample abilities proves there is no deception. Mike watches as Levi walks back to the barracks, causal and uncaring about the spectacle he just caused. Nila, a soldier from Levi’s squad, nudges Mike in the side as shes proclaims,

“Shit, Mike, he’s ganna be on the elite team with you and Squad Leader Smith in no time.”

For whatever reason, this thought had never crossed Mike’s mind and now that it is voiced he boils with a nervous energy. With a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat, Mike turns away from the group of soldiers still chatting about Levi’s run. It is infuriating that a little brat that doesn’t even come up to his chest strap with a devil may care attitude is quickly becoming the hero of the Survey Corps. With only weeks of formal training no less. Mike worked hard for his position, worked for years to be known as one of humanities strongest soldiers and here this punk from the underground is threatening his station already. It is frustrating.

-

“You can’t be serious about bringing them with us on the expedition, Erwin.”

The blonde looks up from his paperwork, the glow of the candle casting deep shadows across his stony face and heavy brow as he stares up at his friend. 

“Of course I am, we need the soldiers. And Levi, Isabelle and Farlan are far more ready than any other troops on their first mission beyond the walls. Levi alone has shown exceptional skill - this will be a great test for him.”

“It hasn’t even been a month since he got here.”

“And we were beyond the walls three weeks after graduation, Mike. Pissing our pants and praying. What is this really about?”

“I - I don’t really know…I just have a weird feeling about Levi.” 

“Well go sniff him out some more. I don't want whatever this is clouding your mind on the mission.”

“He’s killed people, Erwin.”

“And so have you. Don’t forget where you came from, Mike, where you were when I found you. You were a marked man once.”

“I was kid. A stupid kid who got himself into trouble.”

“So was Levi not that long ago, only he had no one to pull him out of the slums until now. Try talking to him - you may find you have more in common than you think.”

Erwin’s focus returns to his stack of reports and it is a silent dismissal for Mike to leave. The man thinks about his friends words, Erwin has always been straight to the point with him, well as long as it didn’t involve one of his elusive plans anyway. But Erwin may be right, Mike hasn’t given himself much of chance to get to know Levi, though the small man’s aloofness would ward off most people. Mike decides to take Erwin’s advice to heart and will try to approach him with casual conversation that will surely end in awkwardness.

-

It is a few days later, the night before their early afternoon expedition beyond the walls. It is a simple recovery mission for a couple of downed carts of precious gas barrels and a few of Hanji’s new trap prototypes, but still most of the soldiers are on edge. Mike finds Levi in the relatively quiet mess hall, a cup of tea on the table in front of him and a flint and knife in his hand. As he carefully sharpens his plain, but deadly dagger Mike makes his way over and sits across from the young man who barely gives half a glance up to his uninvited table guest.

“Evening.”

Mike says levelly as he tentatively sniff at the air.

“The hell are you doing? You some kind of dog?”

Mike is used to the slur by now, but hearing it from Levi makes his skin crawl. The tall man sniffs loudly now, uncaring for civilized behavior and it makes Levi drop his tools to the table and glare. Confusion, anger, intrigue, defense, all these smells wash over from the small man and into Mike’s nose, emotions and feelings that are otherwise masked by Levi’s expression of utter disdain. 

“Do you need something, _mut_?”

It takes a great deal of restraint to not launch himself over the table and beat Levi to a bloody pulp, but Mike holds his cool - ever calm. 

“Just wanted see if you were nervous about going outside the wall tomorrow, first time and all.”

“No.”

A quick sniff to the air confirms it, Levi doesn’t seem concerned in the least. 

“No?”

“Should I be?”

“I’m not vain enough to deny that I was scared the first time.”

Levi looks up at Mike almost thoughtfully, his grey eyes brighter in the low candlelight and close proximity. 

“Are you still scared now?”

“Numb.”

The smaller man nods in understanding before reaching for his tea and taking a sip in the most awkward fashion Mike has ever seen anyone drink. It makes Mike huff out a small laugh and Levi slams his cup back down with a scowl.

“What?”

The man demands of Mike, but the blonde just chuckles as he scoots back from the table and stands. Just as he pushes the chair back in Levi picks up his knife and starts to sharpen the blade again with a bored indifference. But before Mike turns to leave, the small man speaks again without looking up.

“This is the most you have ever spoken to me. Or the most I have ever seen you speak to anyone. Except that blondie, Erwin.”

Mike just shrugs as he looks down on Levi, feeling powerful and superior in his stature even if Levi holds a very deadly blade in more than capable hands. It seems odd then that this is the is man Erwin has chosen to put his faith in, this ill tempered, foul mouthed brat with the small childlike facade. Why him. What’s so special about Levi?

“Is he really worth following? Your precious Erwin Smith? Are his plans really so great that you would die for them - for him?”

The question startles Mike for a moment and he just stares at Levi from behind his tufts of bangs, trying to grasp what Levi really means, what he is really asking.

“I’m sure you know already, but Erwin is going to become Commander after this expedition. If he makes it back alive that is…”

Mike’s head tilts back and he peers down at Levi from his prominent nose. Death and a wavering uncertainty fills the space between the two men and it only disorients Mike more. 

“Commander or not, Erwin is worth fighting beside and for.”

The flint slows it’s rough scrape on Levi’s knife edge for a moment as Mike speaks, but picks up as soon as he is finished. Levi stares intently at his blade now, ignoring the tall man standing in front of him and seemingly finished with what he has to say. Mike turns and leaves without so much as a good night and can’t get the sound of the knife being sharpened out of his mind.

-

The expedition starts out thankfully uneventful and they gather the abandoned supplies quickly and efficiently. It isn’t until they are almost back to the walls that a titan is spotted, then two and then three. All ten meters and bubbling around. The Commander orders Erwin’s men to ready for attack while Levi and his squad are assigned to guarding the carts. Mike’s horse speeds up to gallop beside Erwin as his squad leader yells out orders for them all to follow.

“Jamie, Fin, Ali flank the one on the left and distract it from the formation and away from the walls. Lutes and Val take down the far right one before it notices us. Mike go for the neck while I cut the ankles of the one coming straight for us.”

Everyone under Erwin’s command moves to obey and Mike shoots off his horse and straight for the ugly head of his target titian, the grapple hooks of his equipment digging deep into the flesh of the monster’s shoulders as he swings himself up and out of reach of the flailing arms. From high over the titans head, Mike waits suspended in air as Erwin dismounts his horse and latches his cables to the creatures legs and uses the retracting feature to pull him under the huge feet and propel himself to get in reach of the achilles tendon. Mike quickly loses the battle with gravity and is thankful for the titan’s distraction of slicing flesh as he deploys his hooks again into the beast far into its back before hurling himself at the base of the titan’s neck. Erwin only manages one good slice before the fumbling monster tangles his wires and the blonde has no choice but to cut his own cords. Mike goes in for the finishing kill and hits it hard, felling the titian with his twin blades. Erwin rolls out from under the beast just as it tumbles to the ground in a heap of bones and steaming blood.

“Mike behind you to the right!”

Just as Mike turns to see what Erwin yells as a twelve meter runs out from the woods, stomping hard enough that the ground quakes. Mike lands back on the ground and turns towards the titian as he changes his blades out and tries to assess the best way to take this one down. Erwin is running towards him from behind and Mike turns to him furiously.

“Get back, your wires are broken!”

“I can take out the legs on foot, you need to get up there now before this one gets any closer to the carts!”

But just as Mike is about to deploy his gear again, a shadow hangs low over the midday sun before shooting into the back of the titian with silent grace. Levi uses only the force of gravity and one of his hooks embedded and retracting into the monster’s back to whip him through the air with unfathomable speed before releasing the balled up energy into one mighty swing at the titan’s neck and taking it down right before Mike and Erwin’s eyes. Levi lands on the creature’s shoulder blade with a disgusted look as he rides the slumping form back to the ground. The man looks even tinier on top of one of these massive titans and looks rather silly and offended as he tries to shake the blood from his blades. Both blondes are stunned and they all stare at each other as if time stands still until screams are heard from the left. Looking over they see more titans in the distance heading their way and a struggle over one with Jamie and Fin - Ali nowhere in sight.

“RETREAT TO THE WALLS!”

Commander Shadis bellows as the gates start to open. Mike, Erwin and Levi head over to help Jamie and Fin, Levi’s speed making easy work of the wounded titian before following the rest of the cavalry to the safety of the walls on foot. The fight ends as quickly as it started, but the mission was ultimately a success.

-

“He pulled out of rank, Erwin!”

“He took down a twelve meter alone in a matter of seconds.”

“He didn’t follow the plan.”

“It was a stupid plan, I don’t know what Shadis was thinking with that formation.”

“He is unpredictable, it will be a liability out there.”

“MIKE! I am now the Commander of the Survey Corps and if I say Levi takes Ali’s position in the elite squad then that is where he is going. Shit man you saw him out there, he is amazing and exactly what we need to drum up moral and support. Levi is exceeding far beyond my expectations and may just be the key to winning this war, so stop your whining and quit being a dick.”

That shuts Mike up and he looks down to the floor in hooded embarrassment. Erwin is right of course and what started as him coming in to congratulate his long time friend on making Commander escalated into Mike complaining, again, about Levi. The tall man doesn’t understand why Levi has such a hold over him, why he can’t just see him as another soldier with impressive skill. But Mike can’t, and Erwin certainly doesn’t see the little spitfire as another pawn.

“Dammit, Mike, I have never seen you act this way. But please, trust my judgement on this. We need him.”

Mike nods as Erwin speaks softer to him, as a friend and not his new Commander. Erwin watches the struggle creep across Mike’s face as he tries to internalize and process why he is acting and feeling this way about a man who in all honesty should be furious at him and his treatment by Mike rather than Mike who has had no foul play from Levi. There is a sharp knock at Erwin’s door before the man calls out for entrance. Levi steps in with a sideways glance to Mike and the tall man knows right away that he heard enough if not the whole conversation from outside the door. 

“You wanted to see me Commander Smith?”

“Please, just Erwin - but yes I wanted to talk to you about joining the elite squad in Ali’s place.”

Mike turns from the men and heads for the door, barely comprehending the rest of their conversation, but he knows Levi will take up the position already. He feels Erwin’s eyes on his back, but keeps walking until he is free of the suddenly suffocating office. It is then that Mike remembers to breathe and gasps like a drowning man. The pit of his stomach tingles in an odd yet not unpleasant way like he has never experienced before. Irritated and afraid he may be coming down with something Mike heads straight for his room, no appetite for dinner or conversation with his company. 

-

After two more expeditions beyond the walls Levi is dubbed Humanities Strongest fighter. Five months and Levi is knows as a savior among men. This street rat from the slums becomes feared and adored and celebrated and not just with his soldiers, but the common people as well. But what irks Mike even more than the woefully admitted deserved praise of all that is Levi, is the fact the man scoffs at it all. It’s not that Mike ever wanted recognition per say, but that he feels if it is received it should be taken with gratitude and humility, not pushed aside as though the hopes of those they fight for means nothing. Though maybe to Levi it does. Mike still has no idea what he truly fights for. His two friends are dead, Isabelle and Farlan, and other than Levi disappearing for an entire day after the mishap he hasn’t changed at all since day one. 

Mike gets a sinking feeling every time Levi is around, the likes of which he can not place. But they have an amazing working relationship despite Mike’s penchant for not talking to the small man except outside the walls in battle when words are necessary. They fight in tandem as if they were a duel sideshow act years. Together they take down more titans than any other soldiers to come before them and surely after as well. They become an odd team, relying on one another outside the walls yet hardly make eye contact within the perceived safety of Maria. 

There is talk among the other soldiers of course, the tension between the two great fighters palpable in the mess hall or during briefings and meetings. But as long as Mike and Levi continue to take down titans and keep the Corp’s death toll lower than it has even been, no one complains - especially Erwin. But Mike almost begins to look forward to expeditions, enjoying the way he and Levi can almost read each others movements and intentions and glide through the air with ease, never getting a wire crossed or blade chipped. It gives Mike a rush that is otherwise lacking when they return to the walls and their solitude.

\- 

It’s a Saturday and Mike is just coming back from the stables from doting on his favored mare when he sees Levi standing outside his door. Mike hesitates down the hall, almost tempted to turn and flee the man like a guilty child. But Levi has already seen him and to run away would admit defeat. It is stupid of course to feel this way - Mike doesn’t know how things could be one way outside the walls and then completely different here at the base, but he knows it is his doing much more so than Levi’s. The tall man slowly makes his way to Levi who stands with arms crossed and his ever present bored scowl in place. Mike gives him a glance down from the corner of his eye as he unlocks his door, leaving it open for Levi to enter behind him. The small man kicks off his casual slip-ons by the door as Mike heads to the tiny kitchen and puts a kettle on the gas furnace for tea. Levi stands awkwardly in Mike’s little home, eyes sweeping the rooms that look identical to his own minus the few personal effects and a rather comfortable looking leather chair Levi appears envious of. 

“So, are you ever going to speak to me when we don’t have titan gore all over us?”

Mike stays quiet in the kitchen, staring at the tea kettle like he is willing it boil. Levi just watches him with a deep frown and flat lined thinned eyebrows, unimpressed. 

“You are more sociable than you let on, Mike.”

Mike freezes at his name, it is soft and delicate on Levi’s tongue like he has never heard it before. Usually the small man likes to address him as “mut” or “dog” in that infuriatingly endearing way that drives Mike up a wall. Or otherwise his real name is shouted in warning and earnest - loud and motivating to kick into action. To hear it spoken normally by that gravelly voice that seems much too deep for a man of Levi’s stature makes Mike’s heart beat faster.

“Tea?”

Is all Mike lamely asks and Levi gives a curt nod before sitting down at the small table that seems to serve as some kind of workstation for Mike. It is a long, drawn out moment of silence as they wait for the water to boil and the tea to brew. The tall blonde brings two mugs over to the table before taking the only other seat opposite of Levi, not offering sugar or milk as Mike has none. But this doesn’t seem to bother Levi as he takes a sip of the bitter and strong liquid. After another long pause Levi looks up at Mike with a glint in his grey eyes Mike only ever sees when they kill titans.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

Direct and ruthless, like Erwin.

“I don’t hate you.”

“Well you sure act like it.”

“I - I don’t know...why. I don’t hate you, honestly, it’s just...I don’t know.”

The room suddenly feels too warm and constricting and Mike can’t meet Levi’s eyes. That same feeling creeps into the tall man’s gut, confusing and pleasant and unwanted. Levi just stares at him with those heavily lidded eyes, watching as Mike struggles for words to describe his feelings and coming up short. Words have always been a hindrance for him, unnatural and frustrating. Mike isn’t stupid, in fact he is a brilliant strategist with a cunning Erwin says is invaluable, but socially something has always been lacking with in Mike that never bothered him until this moment. Mercifully Levi speaks again and Mike can stop processing for understanding he has yet to find.

“I was suppose to kill Erwin the night before my first expedition - that night you came to talk to me.”

Mike’s head shoots up at the confession, anger and shock clearly evident from behind his dusty blonde bangs. The tall man knew Levi was dangerous, that he had ulterior motives to being ordered around in the suicidal Survey Corps, but that was almost over a year ago and Erwin is alive and well and Levi follows his every command like a trained house pet. Why would Levi tell him this?

“It was part of the bigger plan, a hired hit on Erwin’s head from some higher up on the council who was afraid he knew too much, would become too influential with his upcoming promotion to Commander. They are afraid of him, you know, of Erwin - even the king is.”

Swallowing hard Mike listens, his tea long forgotten in the sweet tenor of Levi’s voice as he speaks in that faint, alluring undercity accent that drags certain syllables on a bit too long and cuts other words a bit too short. Mike thinks this is the first time he has heard so many words strung together by the man and his curiosity is peaked.

“I didn’t care at the time. You two gave me no choice but to enter service to the Survey Corps, figured I would get a job and some cash out of the hassle before running off with Isabelle and Farlan. I never intended to go outside the walls, the death of Erwin Smith would surely put a hold on the expedition and I would have been miles under the city by sunrise.”

Mike has to know why, why is Levi telling him this. Is he going to try it again a year later, does he think Mike would help him kill his best friend? No, the blonde sniffs the air and gets no anxiety or resentment from the man across from him, he is calm and relaxed and simply telling a story, never mind it is one of government corruption and attempted murder. No, Mike knows Levi is not going try to take Erwin’s life again. He smells trust, the musk of a deep trust.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because you said he is worth following, that he is worth dying for. I broke into his office that night and read through his files and papers, all his plans and ideas and hopes stashed away in his desk made me realize there is more to life than just existing. Erwin has meaning in his life and cause and it also gave you a purpose and drive beyond just that of the greater good I never gave a shit. I want what Erwin has, what you have. So I killed the guy who put the hit on Erwin and went and told blondie everything.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I just wanted you to know I would die for Erwin too.”

Mike lets that sink in, mulling the story over and finding only honesty. Levi finishes his tea in silence, taking his time and staring off around Mike’s small living room. It is probably a good ten minutes before Levi finishes his cup and stands with a thanks before seeing himself out. Mike sits in the same spot for another hour, staring at Levi’s empty mug and remembering the way Levi looked sitting at his table as if he belonged there. Mike almost thinks he looked right there, though doesn't quite know what that means.

-

After Levi’s confession Mike starts to train with him. It comes as a surprise to everyone, Mike included, when he walks up to stand next to Levi before the hardest forest training exercise and with one look they shoot off into the trees together like they had practiced it for years. 

Levi gives Mike pointers for spacial awareness and agility in the air, two things Mike struggles with because of his size. 

“Find your core and center of gravity and your limbs will follow.”

The small man tells him as he zips by Mike to get at the next wooden titan before Mike can even get his hooks out of his tree. Mike is more silent in his approach with the smaller man and Levi takes to just observing the blonde’s movements and taking cues from his fighting style and adapting it it his own. They become practically invincible outside the walls after only a week of training together. It begins to be fun, like a game - tallying who takes down the most titans which becomes dangerous and causes Erwin to threaten to break them up if they don’t take things more seriously. Eventually though they both become squad leaders and end up with their own soldiers, yet in Erwin’s tactical formation they stay flanked by each other like a deadly wall. 

Mike starts to feel giddy when Levi is around, smiles and fluttery stomach and it makes him feel foolish. Erwin’s only advice is to talk to Levi before smiling rather creepily up at him, but Mike is afraid that will make it worse as the feeling only intensifies whenever they are in conversation.

-

“Why can’t you talk to me like you do everyone else?”

Startled, Mike looks up from his report, not having even heard Levi come into his new office. The man just continues to talk though.

“I thought we were over this bullshit, Mike.”

“What?”

“You can hardly carry on a conversation with me that doesn’t have to do with titan shit or some plan of Erwin’s. I’m all for tall, quiet and intimidating, but I think we can move past that now, don’t you?”

“You make me feel weird.”

Mike blurts out without thinking about it and Levi raises one thin eyebrow at that, a strange mixture of concern and mirth warring on his sharp features.

“I make you feel weird?”

Levi repeats with no small amount of condescending. It makes Mike blush and scratch his quill across his paperwork just for something to do.

“Yes, weird. I don’t know how to explain it, but...”

Mike takes a deep breath and Levi waits patiently in silence for the blonde to continue, accustomed to the man’s need for time to form his thoughts into sentences. 

“…you know the feeling when you retract the wires and are in free fall for a moment before deploying the hooks again?”

It is always easier for Mike to explain things from a battle standpoint and Levi nods in understanding before responding.

“Yeah, like your stomach drops and there is a burst of adrenaline.”

“Well that’s what it feels like whenever you walk into a room.”

Mike risks a glance up at Levi and finds the man’s eyes wide in disbelief like the blonde had just told him some great secret and the smaller man can’t figure out what to do with it yet. It makes Mike uneasy, not knowing what he could have said to cause such a look to cross the usually impassive face. Levi blinks a few times and seems confused by Mike’s own confusion and they look at each other for a long moment. Finally, Levi breaks the silence with a seemingly non sequitur question.

“Have you ever been with anyone, Mike?”

“Been with anyone…?”

“Physically, I mean.”

“What? No.”

As the intent dawns on Mike he thinks over the decidedly lack of intimacy in his life, it was something he never sought after or had any real need for. He understands that being thirty- three and virgin may sound odd, but it was normal for Mike he was simply not a sexual creature. 

“Not even Erwin? I thought surely Erwin would have tried something.”

Levi’s words make Mike remember a cold night years ago during his trainee days when Erwin’s bright blue eyes heated the deserted barracks, his touch hesitant and light on Mike’s bare shoulder. But the desire wasn’t mutual and Mike was more flustered than anything by his friends gentle hands. Erwin got the silent message though and just jerked off in front of Mike who watched the needy desperation wash over his friend with little more than a detached curiosity. Later Mike told Erwin he wished he could have given him what he wanted, that if anyone he wished it could be Erwin to awaken some sexual desire in him. But it was never the case. Erwin wasn’t put off by his sexual ambiguity and instead simply asked if Mike would watch him get off sometimes to which he readily agreed to, feeling no gratification himself beyond that of Erwin’s own excitement and pleasure. Just happy Erwin needed him for something. But Mike’s dick never got hard and Erwin never touched him.

“No.”

“You don’t get off ever?”

Mike thinks back to the handful of times he woke up as a teenager with a purely physical response to some physiologic stimuli in his developing body. He jacked off and came with no enthusiasm beyond that of a mindless chore. That had been many years ago.

“No, not really.” 

Levi stares at him, not quite hiding his surprise. After a few moments of usual silence Levi moves closer to Mike, rounding the desk to stand next to him. Mike watches warily, his heart racing as the small man gets close to him.

“May I kiss you?”

Mike looks up at Levi with wide eyes half hiding behind his fringe. Tentatively Mike gives an affirmative nod because for the first time in his life he wants to know what another's lips would feel like on his own. Not just anyone though, Levi’s. Mike feels desperate for it in a completely foreign way, his stomach tied in knots and throat dryer than the sun as Levi draws closer. The man is timid in a way Mike never thought he could be, not shy but careful, cautious of Mike’s feelings and it stirs something deep inside the blonde. Slowly Levi bends down to the seated man, giving ample time for Mike to change his mind, but he doesn’t dare. Levi’s lips are soft and thin and caress more than kiss Mike, brushing and feeling the taller man’s rigid mouth around the scratchy facial hair. Feeling braver Levi rests a hand on Mike’s shoulder and leans in fully, his lips moving in a languid tide in an attempt to coax the other man into action. Though Mike is pliant he is unsure how to respond to the wet heat on his mouth. When Levi’s tongue swipes across the seal of his lips though, Mike gasps and pull away from the other man who looks down with an almost sheepish expression.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay...just didn’t expect it.”

The way Levi looks at him makes Mike flare with heat from the inside. It finally clicks in his mind what all of these conflicting and harrowing emotions have been over the very man leaning in to steal Mike’s second kiss. For the first time in his life Mike is feeling desire for another person, a physical desire for closeness he had never known. Levi’s lips go back to the sweet little presses of soft skin, barely pecks as though afraid to scare Mike away again. Mike is still utterly useless at the whole thing, doing little more than adding pressure to the press of Levi’s kiss. When he feels the presence pull away and a bereft of cool air between them Mike realizes he had his eyes closed. When he looks up again Levi stares down at him with even heavier lidded eyes and a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth. Mike wonders offhandedly what he must look like to pull such an expression from Levi.

“How was it?”

“Strange…”

Levi lets out a little laugh, hardly a puff of hot air. His hand moves up to Mike’s neck and cradles it in the small palm, just watching as Mike tries to come to terms with everything that just happened. His first kiss.

“I’m sorry, I have never wanted anyone like this before.”

Mike looks down Levi’s body as he speaks and notices the telling bulge forming in Levi’s tight white uniform pants. With a bit of unease he realizes he is not even remotely turned on.

“And do you? Want me like this?”

“I - I don’t know, Levi.”

Levi nods once and pulls his hand from Mike’s skin. He wonder if Levi could feel his pulse hammering away under his fingertips because Mike can’t remember the last time his heart beat so fast. Levi steps away from the seated man and gives them both room to collect themselves.

“You look terrified.”

Levi looks reluctant as he speaks and takes another step backwards.

“No.”

Confused, but not terrified.

“Okay.”

There is a moment of horrible awkwardness that hadn’t been between them since Levi first arrive in the Corps with a foul mouth and even fouler attitude and Mike panics for a moment as Levi turns for the door. But he looks back at Mike as he pushes the cracked door open.

“You want to test Erwin’s flare guns tomorrow with me for his new signal warning system? Hanji thinks they got the colors right this time.”

A grin blooms across Mike’s face that is mirrored by Levi when he gives a curt nod yes before the small man leaves his office.

-

Mike finds he wants to kiss Levi again. And bad. It itches at his skin the way a rash might, this desire to feel him close and the soft lips. It haunts his dreams. The next time he sees Levi the man doesn’t even wait long enough to greet him before Mike has his large hands on the boney shoulders and is bending down to press his dry lips to Levi’s in the middle of an empty hall just outside of Erwin’s office. Levi jolts in pleasant surprise before wrapping his arms around Mike’s waist and pulling him down deeper into the the kiss. Mike is still terrible at it, sloppy and awkward and so endearing that Levi can only return it in kind. This time when Levi’s tongue plays at the crease of Mike’s lips he doesn’t pull away and instead allows access to his mouth which Levi readily exploits. Again it is a strange feeling to have Levi’s tongue in his mouth, but he finds he likes it. When they finally pull away they are both panting and Mike finds he has pushed Levi up against the wall, their bodies almost touching besides just their mouths. And when Levi smirks Mike feels like the world is crashing around them from the way it so fully pulls him in.

After Mike’s leap into the physical realm of want, they kiss much more frequently and in more inappropriate places. Mike is a fast learner and easily finds ways to use his tongue to make Levi squirm against him and moan into his mouth. They make out like a couple horny kids, and since Mike sexually is one it causes no qualms with Levi. But though their kissing is heated and Mike thoroughly enjoys tasting and licking every inch of Levi’s hot little mouth, it goes no farther for the blonde than that. Often Levi’s hands will travel south on Mike’s body, reaching low to cup his muscular ass or even boldly fondle over his crotch, but to no avail. Mike never gets hard, the desire for more never comes and he hates when he feels Levi rut in frustration against his thigh, needy and wanton in a way that would get anyone raring to go. Anyone but Mike. 

Mike offers to help Levi out when he gets worked up and his cock is hard as a rock, but Levi adamantly refuses, never wanting to push Mike into something he is uncomfortable with for his sake. He is both grateful and upset with this agreement as he has no real desire to have sex beyond wanting Levi to be satisfied. He knows its cruel for Levi who craves more than makeout sessions and fumbling hands.

-

Erwin is fucking Levi. Mike knows because Levi asked him about it first. But Mike is fine with it, sex is something he can’t give Levi and it is something he trusts Erwin with as he does everything else. Mike even watches them from time to time and smiles when Erwin gets desperate with his long time friend observing him again, ever the exhibitionist, and he cums deep inside Levi with the whisper of both their names on his lips. It is bittersweet that Mike couldn’t give either of them physically what they hoped for but he feels no jealousy or longing from missing out on their pleasure between the sheets. Levi always comes back to Mike though, never spending the night with Erwin unless Mike is with them. It is unconventional, but it works for them and ultimately everyone is happy.

“Are you really sure you are okay with this?”

Levi asks months into their arrangement with Erwin.

“Yes. I was the one who even spoke to Erwin about it if you remember, Levi.”

“I know it just...it feels unfair to you.”

Mike pulls Levi in close to him so they face each other on his bed. It has taken awhile, but Mike is slowly opening up more physically to Levi and he freely cuddles and hugs the smaller man as frequently as he kisses. But Mike knows he will never have a typical sex drive, if it hasn’t awoken yet with Levi writhing and moaning beneath his fingers then it just isn’t there. Mike savors the closeness and comfort he gets from holding Levi and sharing in his warmth, but there is nothing sexual that comes from it. Mike came to terms with it a long time ago, but there is no reason for Levi to suffer because of it. 

“I have told you many times now. I want you to be happy and I know that means a physical release for you. I don’t know why I am this way, and sometimes I wish I could be everything you need...”

“Shut up, Mike -”

“No, hear me out.”

And Levi goes quiet, knowing to listen when Mike has something to say, because it is a rare and wonderful thing.

“I love you, Levi. And I think I have loved you from the first day I saw you with the wings of freedom on your back and every day since then. I was stupid and confused my feelings with other things because I had never had such desires for someone before. Sex is just sex, and though I wish I could give that to you too I know I am not missing out on the best part of you, because it’s here in my arms.”

Levi buries his head into Mike’s broad chest and nuzzles into the soft fabric of his undershirt before sniffling softly. Mike holds him close, tucking the dark head under his chin and feeling more complete than he ever has in his life as he finally finds the words to express himself to Levi.

“You big dumb mut, what have you been reading Petra’s romance novels or something. What’s with that shit…”

Mike chuckles at Levi’s scratchy voice, croaked with his suppression of emotion. Wrapping Levi up in his arms fully, Mike cradles his small body to him as though protecting him. They have another expedition tomorrow and both men know that time is not guaranteed to them and any night could be their last. They do not fight as a team any longer as Levi heads the new elite squad and Mike has become Erwin’s field strategist and right hand man beyond the walls. It scares Mike that Levi is barely in his sights anymore when they are on missions. Levi may be humanities strongest fighter, but they have been in this game for a long time now and odds are always stacked against them. But for now Mike wants to feel like nothing can harm them as they lay together and wait for sleep to take them into hopefully peaceful dreams. 

“I love you too, Mike. Just come back safe tomorrow, always come back to me.”

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Half way through writing this Mike decided to be asexual and I liked it and went with it. And sorry it seems impossible for me to _not_ add some sort of eruri - ever.


End file.
